GHANTA Engineering

We all are so familiar and terrified of all those aunties who visits our home and ask us about all those things we just don’t want to talk about. We usually lock ourselves in our room but sometimes when we are low on our good luck and high on our bad luck, we have to face this encounter. A few days ago, I faced this and the interesting thing is the answers I had in my mind for each one of hers question.

Aunty: Hello beta, how are your studies going on?

Me: Hello aunty, yeah they are going on well I guess, my semester exams are round the corner, so yes its going on pretty well. Thanks for asking.

My mind: Yeah, I have my exams from next week and I have not even opened a book. Every time I open my laptop the first thing I do is open facebook, see nothing , logout , stream youtube videos , then again open facebook , again nothing , again logout, back to youtube again and this program is on an infinite loop with a  condition if its late hours or there is no one at home then some ‘other’ websites replace youtube in the infinite loop. So my studies are not just going on well but GHANTA well.

Aunty:  You are doing Engineering right? I have heard its very hard. You must be a very hard working student.

Me: Yes, its hard. But when it’s something you like doing, then its easier to do. Plus, the college lectures are too tiring. One has to concentrate for like 6-8 hours on the things our professors teach. Its important. Engineering is tough.

My mind: Yeah, its tough. Sitting in lectures  for so many hours doing absolutely nothing is tough. Its hard not to fall asleep. The only thing that save our lives is the phone, specially the smart ones. Angry birds, temple run, subway surfers and a lot more are life savers. God bless their developers and the guy who invented smartphones.  The last lecture of the day is the toughest and very weird also. Once my friend sitting right next to me started humming ‘saare jahaan se achha, Hindustan hamara…..’, and we looked at him and gave him a ‘WTF?’ expression and then joined him in the next minute.(Yes, it was our beloved BAWA).Sometimes it gets so dark and I go deep into the thoughts,  Just like 2 days back I made a ‘shayari’, it goes like

‘ Iss dil ka kya dosh tha jo tum chale gaye,

saali attendance itni low to naa thi jo debar hi kar diye gaye’

(ok I won’t write shayari again).

You even watsapp your friend who sits right next to you in case the teacher is an a$$hole and threatens to cancel the attendance if he finds you talking.But you have to be sure that the professor thinks you are all ears to him and he is teaching very well, otherwise you won’t get the attendance and you know you attend a class only to get the attendance.  I think there must be a law called ‘Right to attendance’. Every student who attends the class should be given attendance, irrespective of any other thing professor accuses the student to have been doing. These guys should be given punishment if they don’t give you the attendance. Punishment being give attendance to everyone for next 2-3 classes. After all, its your right. And when you are free, you sit with your friends doing absolutely nothing but talking about girls, MBA/MS plans, the new releases and how big an a$$hole the new professor is and ofcourse the frequent ‘ye ladki pataale, wo ladki pataale’. People say engineering is tough, a wise man once said

‘Engineering teaches you the art of being cool and do absolutely nothing even when you are being screwed’ 

that wise man was me ofcourse. Imagine a tough course like engineering and we study one night before the exam so its tougher and this shows that we are not just hard working but GHANTA hard working.

Aunty: You are in JAYPEE Noida right? have heard that your college is a good one. Good your future is set, my son is doing BBA from Amity, he is such a spoilt brat, I and his father are so worried about his future.

My mom: Arre not to worry, studies never ensure success, there are many people out there who don’t have big degrees but are still successful in their field.

Me: Hmm, you have Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

My mind: Ok first I don’t understand why it’s a ‘good one’ (or maybe she was just being sarcastic). All my college is gonna do is give me a job of 3 lakh something per annum after 4 year degree. That too is nobody is sure of.  People doing hotel management earn more than this nowadays. A few days back I was talking to an engineering pass out who is working in Chennai, when I asked him how is work? His reply was ‘GHANTA work, girls here have more baal (hair) on their body than I do. It sucks.’ Engineering now is no more than doing +2 and specially if you are in JAYPEE Noida with this blue uniform of yours, you definitely feel like doing +2. A relative of my friend once asked him ‘morning mein prayer bhi karte ho?’ It must have been so embarrassing. And aunty! What are you talking about? While I am sitting right there in my lecture singing ‘saare jahaan se achha’ for no reason, your ‘good for nothing’ son is having fun with 4 of his sexy as hell girlfriends in the GIP, Noida. And mom? What was that? You never said this ‘studies never ensure success’ thing to me.

Aunty: Chalo its good manoj, I disturbed you I guess. Continue with your studies. Complete your engineering with flying colours.

My mom: Ok, Go back and study.

My mom’s mind: GHANTA Study.

Me: Ok bye aunty.

My mind: Engineering Engineering GHANTA Engineering!

Those BITC#E$

There are so many times in your life that you like a girl and fall for her. This phenomena is popularly known as ‘crush’ among us. Many of them come and go like seasons in a year but some of them just do not leave you alone. They haunt you in the night. They come in your dreams. They are always on your mind, no matter where you are? what you are doing? They just don’t go out of your mind. And it looks beautiful, you think that there is no girl better than her and you would not find anyone better even if you go find all around the world. To us that one girl looks better than any actress, model or even a porn star. You become so obsessed with that one girl that you start disliking many who are even better than that one girl. The life ends there, it seems like there is nothing more you will ever need in your life but her. Some people may call it love.

Now, after so many days(or months or even years) you prepare yourself to go to that girl and tell her what you feel for her. You go to her and tell her everything. Now there are two possibilities, one she would say yes and you will be the happiest person on this planet and jump around like a monkey flaunting how you did it. You both promise that you will always love each other and will always keep each other happy (that of course is a myth). But your life is nothing short of a hell if the girl says NO. There can be many reasons for that. First you have to understand that a boy usually likes a girl who is one level better than him. Like if the girl is 8 then you are 7 or maybe 6 and if you are less than that, then you are here just to make a fool of yourself. Or if it’s the other way round, that is, the girl is a 6 or 7 and you are an 8 or 9 then the girl has superiority complex(or  you are in an engineering college) and then you see them sharing photos on facebook saying ‘love them who love you, not them whom you love’. No matter what the reason is, your life is no longer the way it was before.

The one girl whom you loved will now turn into a bitch. She will continue to haunt you in the nights in your dreams. You will regret the moment you loved her. The one thing that will not change is that you still won’t like anyone else. Now the situation is worse because you know she is not going to be with you, but still you can’t do anything in this. Now every time you see her, you love and hate her at the same time. Every time she posts photos on facebook, where she is smiling with all her 32 teeths out and tons of makeup on, and with some 150 likes(almost all being of boys) or even photos with boys and suddenly all your ambitions like becoming a TATA or Ambani one day vanish and all you want to be is one of those boys. Then out of nowhere, you start hoping for her again and start afresh by sending her a message with same old shit ‘How much I love you’ and other crap. Now this time, the bitch would not even talk to you. She won’t even reply you and will just block you and start ignoring you. Now everytime you will see her, the words that will come out of your mouth is ‘fucking bitch’ or ‘bhen ki ****’ or some other shit in your mother tongue.

There is new category of bitches that has come to notice of many, its called the ULTRA BITCH. These are those bitches who make fun of the guy who loves her. Her bitch friends also join her in this. They all ridicule the innocent guy who only wanted love. If you are into the ultra bitch, then please don’t be a donkey. Be a super dog.

All this loving and hating will go on for double the time you took to finally tell that bitch how you liked her barking. But then one fine day, you will realize that you have now fallen for another girl and the bitch now holds no importance in your life. But beware! This is the cycle of bitches. They will come and go and all you will do is:

New BITCH>DREAMING>PROPOSING>REJECTION/ACCEPTED>ABUSES>New BITCH.

This post is dedicated to all my friends who have gone through this vicious cycle or are going through it now and one piece of advice for them—YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN! SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOURSELF!! BTW NOBODY CAN HELP YOU NOW, RIP Bro!

Ps: Not all the girls are bitches, 60% of them are and 20% out of this 60% are ultra bitches. These numbers are on a rise. BEWARE. 

  And for girls: BE A LADY, NOT A BITCH!

(Do not take this seriously, its just for fun.)