Possibility of a Ban on Porn in India

OK, first thing first! You might want to download as much porn as you can. Just open a torrent in a new tab and start downloading porn right now! Because you don’t know, there maybe a PORN BAN waiting for all of us in the near future. Some guy named Vijay Panjwani has filed a petition in court saying that most of the offences committed against women/girls/children are fueled by pornography. Now Supreme court has asked I&B ministry to reply to that. Well, we know that our beloved ministers also love porn and they themselves cannot stay away from porn even while working. So, there are very low chances that the ministry will take this seriously. we have even heard that many ministers, no matter which party or caste they belong to, are already getting in touch with the I&B ministry to make sure that there are no steps taken in this direction. The speakers of respective houses also fear that if there is a porn ban then the number of MP’s and MLA’s attending sessions will see a huge decline as the free wifi also won’t be of any help.

Also, people are quite shocked hearing the possibility of a ban on porn in the country. From young boys to old uncles, all of them are still not able to absorb the fact that they might have to see something like this. They say its equivalent to the end of the world for them. Many say that its because of those rapist pigs that the entire country will now have to face this punishment. They say that now, even hanging those rapists is not enough as due to them many will have to suffer. Meanwhile people in Pakistan, the nation that is number 1 in watching porn are laughing on their neighbor’s totally insane decision of a possible porn ban. Hameed chacha, a popular local pornstar of Pakistan believes that now Indians will try and come back to Pakistan as they will not get one of the four basic things to live life. He named them as ‘Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur Beeloo filams‘. He also fear that the porn market will take a huge dip as his site ‘Hameed chacha ka sex.com’ won’t get enough hits. He also said that ‘Desi Mujra’ and ‘Saree sex’ are quite famous search terms that his site gets.

Back home, many engineering students from big colleges like IIT to TATTI have decided to gather at India Gate at 6 PM to march against this possibility of a Porn ban. They will be carrying their tabs and laptops with porn running on it. Student community as a whole is quite pissed off by this news. One guy from JIIT, one of the top ranked engineering colleges in NCR shared his pain with us. ‘I will miss Sasha Grey,Jenna Jameson and Sunny Leone. They are like family to me. When i left my home to come to study in this big city, i was afraid. But i found another family here in those people.I will miss all of them. I will miss Savita bhabhi. There is also a Savita bhabhi movie coming next month, i wonder if they will allow that. That will be the farewell of this legend called Savita Bhabhi.’ He wanted to say more but talking of all this he started feeling horny and asked us to leave his room. Also his room mate called and said that he won’t be back for 2 more hours. So he wanted to enjoy his last moments with Savita bhabhi. Though he asked us to keep him anonymous as his friends think he never watched porn. He feared that if they know then they will gather around and beg for his hard disk which has 50 GB of porn in it. He also had paid ones. After that we asked another guy who said that high internet speed in the hostel room will be of no use now.

There is one NGO named ‘I love Porn’ which has also started an initiative named ‘Give justice to my hand’. This NGO believes that after this ban, the right hand will be of no or very less use. Some people have also started an online campaign to stop this porn ban. There is a lot going on in political field regarding this issue. Arvind Pejrival of Paan aadmi party has reportedly said that porn was the only memory of his IIT Kharagpur days and that if this would happen then the country will get even more corrupt. He went on to add that the government is ruled by Chukesh Ambani who totally wants to monetize porn market and is therefore playing with mango man’s emotion. Rahul baba of congress also said that he will do whatever he can to stop this. He said he understands what is going on over the young people of the country as he also is very young. His critics said that he owns Brazzers and thats why he is trying to stop this, otherwise he planned to do nothing but watch porn in his house whenever his mother Ponia Gandhi is away in Italy.

Brazzers will now be producing daily soaps for Indian Market

Ganna Hazare of IAC also believes that banning porn is not an option, he said that ‘People of this country are very tharki, they come home from office and college and reduce their tharak by watching porn on their PCs’. He said that 10 years ago when there was no internet, people had nothing to do but make babies, but after the discovery of  internet and more specifically porn, the population has gone down to an extent. He fears that there will be a boom in population if they ban porn. Many intellects are also supporting Ganna’s views.

Bollywood on the other hand is happy with this news. Lukesh Bhatt, producer of semi porn movies like Murder and Jism said ‘I am so happy. Now people will shift back to our movies for nudity and sex. Murder came in a time when online porn was not easily accessible. That’s what made it a huge hit. Good old times are now back.’  Sunny Leone also posted on twitter ‘thank god i changed my profession from a porn star to an actress. I am so happy! Also i have asked producers to add some nudity in ‘laila’ song as a gift from my side.

Everything said and done but now its all upto the I&B ministry to save the country from this porn ban. We can only pray. Long live porn.

(This article is only for fun. I don’t give a f@ck if it hurts any person or community’s sentiments)

GHANTA Engineering

We all are so familiar and terrified of all those aunties who visits our home and ask us about all those things we just don’t want to talk about. We usually lock ourselves in our room but sometimes when we are low on our good luck and high on our bad luck, we have to face this encounter. A few days ago, I faced this and the interesting thing is the answers I had in my mind for each one of hers question.

Aunty: Hello beta, how are your studies going on?

Me: Hello aunty, yeah they are going on well I guess, my semester exams are round the corner, so yes its going on pretty well. Thanks for asking.

My mind: Yeah, I have my exams from next week and I have not even opened a book. Every time I open my laptop the first thing I do is open facebook, see nothing , logout , stream youtube videos , then again open facebook , again nothing , again logout, back to youtube again and this program is on an infinite loop with a  condition if its late hours or there is no one at home then some ‘other’ websites replace youtube in the infinite loop. So my studies are not just going on well but GHANTA well.

Aunty:  You are doing Engineering right? I have heard its very hard. You must be a very hard working student.

Me: Yes, its hard. But when it’s something you like doing, then its easier to do. Plus, the college lectures are too tiring. One has to concentrate for like 6-8 hours on the things our professors teach. Its important. Engineering is tough.

My mind: Yeah, its tough. Sitting in lectures  for so many hours doing absolutely nothing is tough. Its hard not to fall asleep. The only thing that save our lives is the phone, specially the smart ones. Angry birds, temple run, subway surfers and a lot more are life savers. God bless their developers and the guy who invented smartphones.  The last lecture of the day is the toughest and very weird also. Once my friend sitting right next to me started humming ‘saare jahaan se achha, Hindustan hamara…..’, and we looked at him and gave him a ‘WTF?’ expression and then joined him in the next minute.(Yes, it was our beloved BAWA).Sometimes it gets so dark and I go deep into the thoughts,  Just like 2 days back I made a ‘shayari’, it goes like

‘ Iss dil ka kya dosh tha jo tum chale gaye,

saali attendance itni low to naa thi jo debar hi kar diye gaye’

(ok I won’t write shayari again).

You even watsapp your friend who sits right next to you in case the teacher is an a$$hole and threatens to cancel the attendance if he finds you talking.But you have to be sure that the professor thinks you are all ears to him and he is teaching very well, otherwise you won’t get the attendance and you know you attend a class only to get the attendance.  I think there must be a law called ‘Right to attendance’. Every student who attends the class should be given attendance, irrespective of any other thing professor accuses the student to have been doing. These guys should be given punishment if they don’t give you the attendance. Punishment being give attendance to everyone for next 2-3 classes. After all, its your right. And when you are free, you sit with your friends doing absolutely nothing but talking about girls, MBA/MS plans, the new releases and how big an a$$hole the new professor is and ofcourse the frequent ‘ye ladki pataale, wo ladki pataale’. People say engineering is tough, a wise man once said

‘Engineering teaches you the art of being cool and do absolutely nothing even when you are being screwed’ 

that wise man was me ofcourse. Imagine a tough course like engineering and we study one night before the exam so its tougher and this shows that we are not just hard working but GHANTA hard working.

Aunty: You are in JAYPEE Noida right? have heard that your college is a good one. Good your future is set, my son is doing BBA from Amity, he is such a spoilt brat, I and his father are so worried about his future.

My mom: Arre not to worry, studies never ensure success, there are many people out there who don’t have big degrees but are still successful in their field.

Me: Hmm, you have Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

My mind: Ok first I don’t understand why it’s a ‘good one’ (or maybe she was just being sarcastic). All my college is gonna do is give me a job of 3 lakh something per annum after 4 year degree. That too is nobody is sure of.  People doing hotel management earn more than this nowadays. A few days back I was talking to an engineering pass out who is working in Chennai, when I asked him how is work? His reply was ‘GHANTA work, girls here have more baal (hair) on their body than I do. It sucks.’ Engineering now is no more than doing +2 and specially if you are in JAYPEE Noida with this blue uniform of yours, you definitely feel like doing +2. A relative of my friend once asked him ‘morning mein prayer bhi karte ho?’ It must have been so embarrassing. And aunty! What are you talking about? While I am sitting right there in my lecture singing ‘saare jahaan se achha’ for no reason, your ‘good for nothing’ son is having fun with 4 of his sexy as hell girlfriends in the GIP, Noida. And mom? What was that? You never said this ‘studies never ensure success’ thing to me.

Aunty: Chalo its good manoj, I disturbed you I guess. Continue with your studies. Complete your engineering with flying colours.

My mom: Ok, Go back and study.

My mom’s mind: GHANTA Study.

Me: Ok bye aunty.

My mind: Engineering Engineering GHANTA Engineering!